lebanon-wise

by Paola Hachem Aoukar

I’m still not sure how the problems started, why, and who is fighting whom. But all I know is that if it wasn’t for my TV set, I wouldn’t remember any of it was happening. It’s funny how I got to experience first-hand the effect that the media has on people’s minds, through my new maid from the Philippines, who stays home all the time and doesn’t watch or hear any news. So, she doesn’t have a clue what’s going on, and is cheerfully carrying on with her duties. After she got a call from her family in the Philippines yesterday, she laughingly told me that her husband mistakenly thinks that Lebanon is at war. She is living proof to the saying that what you don’t know can’t hurt you, hence I decided that I will not worry about these problems till they hit much closer to home.

Last night, I prayed for rain, because I know that any half-hearted fighters, paid to cause these problems, would quit and go home. Just after midnight last night, I woke up thinking bombs were exploding, until I realized it was a thunderstorm. I was so grateful, and went back to sleep convinced that the pouring rain will wash away all Beirut’s problems, and that we will wake up in the morning as if nothing ever happened. 

My optimism or rather wishful thinking must be my mind’s way of coping. I moved from Australia with my children in the beginning of the year, determined to make Lebanon my home again no matter what. I realized today that my decision is now once again being challenged. I can think of many worse case scenarios than being stuck in Lebanon during such times, and one of them is having to leave and go back to Australia. My husband, who is Australian-born, is with us, but due to go back to Australia on Tuesday. It looks like he will not be going anywhere, a fate that he has secretly very gladly accepted.

I called my sister and we concluded that school is still on. So I got the kids ready and conducted my morning dropping off routine, the older child to school and the twin babies to day-care. Life on the street looked semi-normal, not as much traffic as usual, yet no sign of fear or tension anywhere.

I got a phone call on the way back home from my aunt informing me that she will be coming over with my 86 year old grandmother for a morning “sob7iyye”. I called my grandmother’s relatives who live in the area and asked them to join us. Altogether we ended up a party of nine women plus one man, my husband.

 We watched the news together as we all ate some delicious “mna2ish” delivered to our door from the “furn” down the road. There was a bit of political discussion, and that made me realize that we are pretty safe in our area because not one person in that room appeared to agree with the political views of the other, so how can civil war be possible? Who will fire at whom? If there was to be a civil war, aren’t we supposedly all fighting passionately for a common belief against another party? If war was to happen, someone please hurry and tell me who I’m supposed to be fighting with and against whom exactly.

I have no fear at all, is that normal? We have been through so much worse that I’m confident we can handle anything. I am convinced that we can overcome this situation and come out of it safely and just simply add it to our repertoire of difficult times. Moreover, we will look at this as an opportunity that professionals who live in the fast lane never get, an opportunity to pause and reflect on the important things in life, on being together safely as a family, and also doing all the things that we barely find time to do, such as reading, playing board games together, sleeping in, and exercising. We will use this situation as the perfect example that demonstrates to our children an important lesson in life, that violence certainly solves nothing.  

This problem could be over by tonight, or next week, or might take months to be solved, so we will patiently wait for it to pass. We’ll keep welcoming the visitors, brewing the coffee, and sharing our ideas, as this is all part of our life and while we’re very much alive, we’ll make sure we keep on living.